I just sat there--watching my father take a sip of the coffee i bought him. Earlier, he was complaining. The coffee is too pricey. For a cup. He's right. But it's not everyday that i could treat him. I brought him there for a talk. A much needed talk. Confusions. Questions. I need to be enlightened. I need answers. I can't stay bothered forever. After all, this is a break from all the people that don't make any sense at all.

He sat there and asked me, "what coffee is this?" And answered, "it's a caramel machiatto!". "Oh, tastes good" was his response as he took another sip. I've waited--timing. I need that. Cause i just can't blabber. He then asked, "how many years will it take you to finish surgery? In the whole population of doctors, how many are surgeons?" And that's just what i needed. I think he knew. He knew it all along. And we talked. Yes. Surgery. Religion. Politics. Medicine. My health. His health. Marawi City. Evacuees. Relatives. My brother. My family. And everything seem to make sense. It is just what i needed. His approval. Because he was very vocal before. Asking questions like "why surgery?" "Surgery is not for women!" "Why not OB/IM/pedia?" Blah blah blah. Yes. He did not want surgery for specialization. He never really liked surgery for me. And for the first time, i didn't heed his advice. For the first time, i felt rebellious. I decided for myself. Left marawi without him knowing. Without his consent. I left with 2 bags, some earned money from moonlighting. My credentials. My ID. DressAfford short bride

But looking back, i felt bad. I've to check my phone over and over again to see multiple missed calls from him. After the Marawi Siege, i've seen changes in him. It is not easy to accept the fact that he has PTSD. Once, mother called telling me that he went to Davao for a conference/convention/meeting. And that he also wanted to see me. I was on duty the day he arrived in Davao. I was at the operating room when i received multiple missed calls from him. The day after, i was told he went home. Yes. He just wanted to see me. But i failed him. I failed one of the reasons why i'm working my ass out. Why it's okay for me to stay up all night. One of the reasons why i try always to endure everything. I failed the very first man i ever loved.

That's where i started to think and think and think. And decided to just call it quits. To pass my resignation and instead, decided to apply in NMMC. I needed to be near them. To watch over him.

A week before my much needed break, i made a resignation letter. It's a do or die kind of decision making. But it is always FAMILY FIRST.

Arrived past 10PM. He was there, awake. Waiting. And no words could ever describe the happiness i felt when he gave me a tight hug. Just what i needed. Just what i needed. We talked for sometime, gave him his pasalubong (a perfume) and then he went upstairs to sleep (didn't notice that he took my cap). The following day, when he woke up with the perfume and my cap beside him, he was shocked. And asked my elder sister "who owns these?". Yeah. He has forgotten. It's always like that.

My stay with them is short but more than enough for me to make it through the year. Back to my conversation with dadoodz. That moment when he told me "i will go to davao to watch you graduate surgery after 3 years" is all that i needed. He gave me his approval after 2-- almost 3 years. Just what i needed. Just. What. I. Needed.

The break isn't really grand. I didn't have that out-of-the-country and take-a-lot-of-selfies kind of break. In fact, i barely had some selfies ???? . These are just some of the highlights of my break:

1. The talk with my father (the most important one!). It hit me so hard. His approval. His blessing. Just made me the happiest in the world.

2. Going to Marawi after months, smelling rotten bodies, hearing bombs, feeling the ground shake (literally) like there's an earthquake almost every 20-30 min. I was not able to check our house but as claimed by our neighbor who was able to check on their house, yes. Looting is rampant. But really, it doesn't matter. What matters is we are complete. My family is safe. Lesson learned number whatever. Things are temporary. So they may loot and loot for all i care. They could have the house. But i have my family. And i am okay with that.

3. I was able to see some friends. It is always making time. Lesson number whatever again: you don't really lose friends. No. You never do. Cause true friends will always stay. They never leave. Those who left--they are just passersby. Acquaintance. Never friends.(there is no such thing as fake friends!) And though it had been years since the last time we saw each others, nothing changed. It always feel like yesterday. Kalig. Sabog. Tralala. Adik adik. Fun. Witty. Always smart.

4. Spend time with yourself. You will realize lots and lots of things. Accept your flaws. Your imperfections. Cause if you can't, then who will?
Let go of the bad vibes. The bad energy. Heart broken? Fix yourself. No one can do that but you. (Tahia. I-suture. I-debridement. Limpyohig maayo! Syaro!). And don't try breaking others' just because yours is broken. Always spread good vibes. Inhale the healing. Inhale. Inhale. And exhale all the negativiy. And bullsh*ts. And pain.

5. Apprehensions. Always there. Especially now that i have decided to stay--to finish surgery here (thank you dadootz!). But no matter what, never compete with others. Compete with yourself. Always be a better version of yourself. You could always do good. Quidnuncs. Gossipmongers. They are always there to put you down. Let them eat all the flesh they want. Let them get obese from doing it. And. Prove them wrong. Good vibes. Smile. Smile. And smile. Never let the burden of the world pull you down. You will never run out of problems. So the fudge. Smile. Accept every trial. Every test. Do good. Be great. Surpass them.

Always do good. Be better.